we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
