I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
