So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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