We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
