I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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