I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
