he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
