It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
