I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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