He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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