I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
