When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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