Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
