lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
