i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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