do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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