I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize