hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
