All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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