Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
