People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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