Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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