I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
is it fun? or sober?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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