just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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