i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i've created a new STD.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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