yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
