The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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