She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
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