he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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