I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
