I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
