Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
