He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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