I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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