I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
