I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
