i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
