i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
