i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
