I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize