Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
