your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
