Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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