god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
we're making bets on your personal life
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
