i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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