Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
