I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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