I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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