how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
