At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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