yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
