mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
