Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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