doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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