I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
