U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
