I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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