and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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