p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
