I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
