I wish I could teleport
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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