Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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