Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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