Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
