No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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