Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i think i just lost a toe
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
