I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
