yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
