He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
