Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
this just has baby written all over it
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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