just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
