Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
