Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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