you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
