from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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