Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dignity is for republicans.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
