i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃