Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit