I can't watch pbs sober anymore
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
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she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
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I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son