Texts From Last Night

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.

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  (312): the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building. http://tfl.nu/d9kx
  Replies (29) Good night (4481) Bad night (1635)
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  (518): View more from New York

  so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?

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  (518): so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for? http://tfl.nu/nqhg
  Replies (9) Good night (2908) Bad night (1309)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.

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  (973): They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos. http://tfl.nu/2qr6
  Replies (8) Good night (3102) Bad night (1106)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.

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  (210): I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad. http://tfl.nu/3nvp
  Replies (33) Good night (1034) Bad night (7034)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.

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  (501): As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story. http://tfl.nu/lu21
  Replies (2) Good night (1000) Bad night (2364)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.

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  (303): Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila. http://tfl.nu/tq95
  Replies (8) Good night (2665) Bad night (882)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary

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  (251): 2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary http://tfl.nu/6uuf
  Replies (8) Good night (1067) Bad night (1717)
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  (835): View more from Pennsylvania

  The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving

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  (835): The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving http://tfl.nu/ks9z
  Replies (7) Good night (2433) Bad night (841)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.

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  (651): No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep. http://tfl.nu/9hze
  Replies (8) Good night (2434) Bad night (798)
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  (518): View more from New York

  i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??

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  (518): i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in?? http://tfl.nu/j32d
  Replies (4) Good night (1716) Bad night (678)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?

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  (203): If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom? http://tfl.nu/eshu
  Replies (12) Good night (1098) Bad night (911)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest

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  (507): 2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest http://tfl.nu/nadf
  Replies (6) Good night (982) Bad night (598)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore

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  (502): Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore http://tfl.nu/xuyl
  Replies (9) Good night (1377) Bad night (586)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.

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  (320): I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year. http://tfl.nu/1qto
  Replies (3) Good night (945) Bad night (420)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina

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  (712): it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina http://tfl.nu/1wr8
  Replies (3) Good night (202) Bad night (296)

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