How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just gargled with NyQuil
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN