u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
