this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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