my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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