I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
