So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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