dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
