Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
