is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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